I am on top of Mount Everest,
I can feel the frigid winds brushing against my skin.
I am panting from a long hike up world's largest mountain.
I spent days climbing and suffered injuries and coldness.
Now I am up here,
I feel on top of the world.
http://www.traveladventures.org/continents/asia/mount-everest-north-face09.shtml
That was very creative, I like how you used the Streams of Consciousness.
ReplyDeleteI love this poem. You use a clean, closed form with the shape, but at the same time there is a free feeling of writing whatever length you wish in each line, unlike a closed form that has a pattern of syllables, and rhyme. The result is a more mature voice. As far as changes, or criticism is concerned, I would take a look at the use of words; in poetry, each word needs to be there for a reason, selected for real purpose, so if you can find any words that are potentially unnecessary, or weak, either drop them, or replace them with stronger words, selected for sound, or meaning.
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